Torture (You Keep Me Alive)

This is your father / so said the machine
It's about your mother / She's been cheating on me
I already told your brother / Marley knows too
And I guess your mother thought that it wasn't important to call and tell you

So I want you to know that this message is proof
Of how I do care how you're doing and I love you

Love, as I see, is an obvious mystery
That I nor anyone else can solve
And You are to me a most glorious misery
That sickens me and keeps me alive
You keep me alive

I hear my 2 Am alarm / My cell phone says you are messaging
It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust / and for a min I couldn't tell what you were saying
Your message is clear / though it's really poor writing
You're just leaving the bar and you've had too few to drink / and you can't drive home so you're hitchin' there with mikey

You sent me a second one saying something like "Don't worry hun
I could never cheat on you babe, I love you"

Love, as I see, is an obvious mystery
That I nor anyone else can solve
And You are to me a most glorious misery
This suicide that lets me survive
You keep me alive

You break and eat the body of Jesus / and you drink from the cup of Christ
And with those same lips you kiss an 8 year old child / and whisper "this could be our little secret"
At the same time you proudly condemn / anyone participating in what you think is sin
And you biggest fear for your kids? It ain't illness or death, no. / They just better not be queer.

What hurts the most is I know you are wrong in most every way
But that's something I can't say because I love you

So this Love is, to me, a most curious necessity
It heals only those whom it hurts
And you write for me a most beautiful tragedy
Shakespeare couldn't make it hurt worse
For Love only needs commitment and a lobotomy
Your mind weighs you down and your heart wants to fly
You've carefully crafted a most wondrous catastrophe
I'm a vegetable and I want to die
But you keep me alive

Smore On Fire

I have this feeling
It's overwhelming
I think that it's hunger
I'm hungry
I'm at a camp fire
...Must be at camp
I think I smell something
Burning

Yeah
Your smore is on fire

Here in the darkness
I have all i need
To make something scrumptious
So Scrumptious
I got a gram cracker
A golden marshmallow
And Hershey's chocolate
But only two bars
That's all Anne will let me have

Yeah
Your smore is on fire
Yeah
Give me a gram cracker

Put them together
Make me a sandwich
A sandwich for dinner
And dessert
Oh my goodness
This tastes so good
It tastes just like heaven
I just ate heaven
I"M SORRY JESUS!

Yeah
Your smore is on fire
Yeah
Give me a gram cracker

Why is this delicious
How could this be real
I think that I'm crying
I'm crying
I love to eat smores
I love them so much
I'll make them my girlfriend
Then marry them
AND THEN I"LL EAT THEM!!!!

Yeah
Your smore is on fire
Yeah
Give me a gram cracker

Make My Day

I waded till I washed upon the shore
I walked until I woke up at your door
I was welcomed in by a stranger who said you were at the store
So I waited but you're never coming home

I watched your willow trees weep in the wind
Waving with the water pouring in
In the window I wandered wearing an ironic grin
Crying alone and you're never coming home

(chorus)

Looking for the love I left behind
Lacking luck and lonely all the time
I learned that life's lessons were located in the land where I lost my mind (?)
I'm to scarred to go on and you're never coming home

Reluctantly I lingered in your room
Losing hope and leaning into doom
Too long I let our love let go sewn with your broken loom
You left too soon and you're never coming home

(chorus)

(bridge)

Slinking down the stairs like a slippery slope
I sucked down the only sliver left of hope
I splurged on skunk sativa and nearly overdosed on dope
Super stoned and you're never coming home

And somberly I sobered from my smoke
And saw your house now sheltered stranger folk
The rest of my life's a punchline and our love was a joke
You moved on and you're never coming home

Home Ain't Nothing When You're Not Around

Home Ain’t Nothing When You’re Not Around
Music and Lyrics by Alex Dolan Balin
June 23rd 2010

Now I was driving through the desert on my way to California
The setting sun in my eyes & my back to Arizona
I screamed "Gee Lordy Be! Ain't it great to be free?!
Blazing through the country, Burning up gasoline
Blowing speakers with this Cd,
Ain't nothing going to slow me down

(Silent Chorus)

I've lived too long alone cooped up there in Sedona
Wasting years drinking beers chugging down cheap Carona
Cause their billboards are beaches with oceans serene
But the real Pacific's something I've never seen
So I threw my guitar in to my chevy
And sped out of my old hometown

I blew through the border flipping the bird with my finger
I watched the Arizona flag disappear in my mirror
It dawned on me my fantasy was somehow now real
I swelled with emotions actors pretend to feel
When their wounds miraculously heal
When they walk upon sacred ground

Cause Home Ain't Nothing When You're Not Around
It Ain’t Your House It Aint You’re Town
Home Is Just Where You And I Share The Ground

My tank was running low so I pulled into Barstow
Found the cheapest pump in town and it still cost me a pant-load!
While I waited I walked into the convenience store
The Man behind the counter smiled and asked what I was looking for
I said "The sweet ocean shore
A bottle of Cherry Coke and a couple Mounds"

He said he lived in Venice Beach during the summer of 69
He slept on top of rooftops of the friends he had at the time
He told me to visit the strip & stay there for a while
And my face will be fixed with a permanent smile
He didn't ring up my pile
He told me to take the food and hurry out

Cause Home Ain't Nothing When You're Not Around
It Ain’t Your House It Aint You’re Town
Home Is Just Where You And I Share The Ground

So I followed the sings that pointed to Santa Monica
I parked at the pier and saw for the first time the ocean
I ran to the water through sand and ocean breeze
Saw the moon and her reflection and fell down on my knees
I cried "Mercy, Mercy Me!
I'm not worthy of what I see now"

I slept in the sand and woke up to the sunrise
I ran to Venice Beach and saw the strip with my own eyes
There were gypsies and drunk punks eating fruit, drinking tea
Selling jewelery and artwork smoking weed legally
Then I saw a beautiful lady looking directly at me
One eye was green, one eye was brown

Cause Home Ain't Nothing When You're Not Around
It Ain’t Your House It Aint You’re Town
Home Is Just Where You And I Share The Ground

She told me I looked like I needed a place to stay
I said "How could you tell" she said "Physic's my middle name"
Be both laughed and smiled, she moved her hair outta her face
I asked for the closest hotel, she said "Just stay at my place"
She spoke with such grace
No part of me could have turned her down

She lived at the corner of 19th and Speedway
A quick walk away from the Muscle Beach Cafe
We walked up the starts and she opened the door
I took one step inside and she tackled me to the floor
She kissed me on the lips
And we didn't stop kissing until dawn

Cause Home Ain't Nothing When You're Not Around
It Ain’t Your House It Aint You’re Town
Home Is Just Where You And I Share The Ground

We slept through the morning and woke up at four o'clock
We got dressed and we picked up take out from the boardwalk
When we got back to her place she raced into her room
She brought out a ring, her late father's only heirloom
She asked me to be her groom
Wearing her mother's wedding gown

For 3 years consecutively we didn't leave each other's side
She's my best friend, my confidant, my teacher and my bride
But the drugs and the booze hit her harder than me
And she overdosed at our anniversary party
We vowed for eternity
But her body is cold in the ground

Cause Home Ain't Nothing When You're Not Around
It Ain’t Your House It Aint You’re Town
Home Is Just Where You And I Share The Ground

I left Venice Beach and went back to Sedona
As I came to Arizona I blew a kiss to California
When I walked in my old room I broke down and wept
Everything in there was perfectly kept
It was as though I never left
And so returned my old forgotten frown

Now It's been three years since I lost my love to the day
It's been three years since I've been to Californi-aye
IT's been three years since a smile's graced my face
It's been three years of rotting in this god forsaken place
But my heart starts to race
At the though of getting out of town

Cause Home Ain't Nothing When You're Not Around
It Ain’t Your House It Aint You’re Town
Home Is Just Where You And I Share The Ground

Now I'm speeding heading west when I come upon Barstow
I look at the dashboard and notice the gauge is low
I find the same gas station I went to before
I see the same cashier when I when I enter the same store
I walk through the door
He smiles and says "What brings you around?"

I told him all I've told you and he says "Boy I got to say,
Make sure when you get there the first thing you do is visit her grave"
So here I am standing in the cemetery
When I read her name a wave of love comes crashing on me
I cry till I'm dry, her grave floods like the Nile
But that love is still gushing and it makes me smile
And I see that our loves lives on eternally
And our dream of forever lives on in me
And it dawns on me our fantasy is somehow still real
And i swell with emotions televangelists pretend to feel
When they sing Amazing Grace
"I was once lost, but now I'm found."

Cause Home Ain't Nothing When You're Not Around
It Ain’t Your House It Aint You’re Town
Home Is Just Where You And I Share The Ground

The Daughter of the Devil is now the Bride of Jesus Chirst

I hug you daughter one last time
I wipe your tear, you fix my tie
I'm the devil, you're the bride
And we are walking side by side
On down the aisle
To your groom Jesus Christ

His father and I
Have agreed to set aside
Our battle for control over all of human kind
We're here to support the Succubus and Jesus Christ

Once you are Christ's bride
There's a treaty to be signed
And all of man's woes will end upon a dotted line
I give over my empire and pride
To my son-in-law Jesus Christ

But I can barely hide
All my excitement inside
Once you're married to the son of god he's in for a surprise
You and I are going to kill Jesus Christ

As i'm sitting on your side
John the Baptist reads the rights
Mother Mary starts to cry
Mary Magdalen rolls her eyes
She's dying to kill her ex Jesus Christ

Now announced as man and wife
For the first time Mr. and Mrs. Jesus Christ
The bells they ring, the choir sings
We toss the rice
The daughter of the devil is now the bride of Jesus Christ

At the reception we don't eat swine
Instead of champagne we drink wine
It once was water, but Jesus changed it
In to Sarah with his mind
He's fucking cheap, that dirty Jew Jesus Christ

When the party ends you will ride
To your honeymoon suite and when you arrive
Tease him, make him cry
Seduce him with your naked thighs
Then choke him till he dies and leave the body of Jesus Christ

And at the funeral I
Will stand next to God and pretend to cry
And when God leans on my shoulders
I"ll stab in the back with my knife
And God's body will fall into the grave of Jesus Christ

But our plans, they went awry
As you tried to choke out Christ
He fought back and in the blink of an eye
Impaled you on a bed frame spike
And suspended there you died, murdered by Jesus Christ

Consumed by guilt he could not deny
Jesus decided to take his life
He closed his eyes, let out a sigh
And impaled himself on the same spike
Where you died under the body of Jesus Christ

And when God found out that night
His son killed himself and his wife
He got drunk on left-over wedding wine
And he set heaven alight
And as heaven burned down, he died
Just like his son Jesus Christ

Though I'm happy to rule all life
I feel incomplete inside
Without you here, my daughter, I
Will now commit suicide
Just like God and his Son Jesus Christ
And so ends the life
Of the Devil, God, and Jesus Christ

Alligators

I don't want to
Impose on you
My thinkings, my feelings
My instincts, although it'd be good

I won't apologize for the way that I feel when
I am spending this time with you
But I keep thinking 'bout
The feelings that you keep subdued

I'm sorry that I can't read your mind
And I'm sorry if I'm wasting your time

But I was wondering
You you were considering me

I'm a fuck up
With terrible timing
And from What i have gathered you've
Been in the same boats as me

So I know you know better than to jump in the mud without
Checking first for Alligators
So the question for you is
What will you choose to be?
Clean or dirty?

Thought the innuendo's rather funny
I'm pretty sure you know what I mean

Cause I was wondering
If you could consider me

I can't ignore my
Natural impulses
I'm sick of pretending
I'm feeling something other than what I do
I don't blame you for
Keeping quiet
This shit's fucking stupid
But the silence drives me insane

And I refuse to
Objectify you
The want I have for you
Includes more than the body you own

I don't have the words
But I cannot keep quiet
I'm bent up on the question that I
Want to ask you
I'm sorry if the asking offends you
But this is something I have to do

I'm certain that I'd be good for you
So before this opportunity's through

I was wondering
If you would consider
I was wondering
If you would consider
I am hoping
You will consider me
Genuinely

If you but let me
You won't regret me
Cause I will be
Anything but cruel

Lady of the Lake

There is a lake off in the distance
Hidden in the forrest's soul
And when I get there I'll know it
I'll throw myself upon the shore
Where I got excalibur

I no longer want its power
I don't want to be king no more
It's not as the legends will remember
I didn't come here for the sword
I came here just to see her

Lady of the Lake you haunt me when I sleep
As you have my dreams my heart is only yours to keep
Though I have Guinevere she's only been my wife
If I were to be honest you've been the love of my life

The only time I've ever seen you
Is the memory I reminisce most
I fell in love with you in an instant
And since then my heart's been a ghost
It jumped after you in the water

Lady of the Lake I know much time has passed
But these feelings within me somehow, oh, they last
Baby I would break if you did not appear
But I need to try and see you, for my end draws near

I am well aware of Guinevere
And lancelot si amore
I know in a matter of days he'll kill me
But before I knock on heaven's door
I want to see you lover

Lady of the Lake is it too much to wish?
I'd throw my fortune down a well if you have my just one kiss
If you're not there or worse if you're not alone
I'll hold back my tears and I'll rise swiftly home
At least I won't die with 'what if's, regrets, or complaint
You've the love of my life, Lady of the Lake

Spanish Rose

Baby don't use this door again
This house holds more than a bed
And Oh
You're my spanish rose
But your flowers have wilted
And your petals have drifted
From the pedestal to the floor

Baby don't use that key again
Baby don't call yourself my friend
Cause Oh
You're my spanish rose
You planted a speed
And now it grows like a weed
And you're cutting me with your thorns

Everything is meant to be
And all exists impermanently
Nothing will remain the same
The only constant thing is change, it's change

Baby don't ring the bell again
The gash between is too deep to mend
Oh
You're spanish rose
You're too damn demanding
And lack understanding
And the scar you gave me is still sore

Baby don't call or write again
Whenever we talk we fight to the end
But Oh
You're my spanish rose
You're far from admitting
That you're not worth forgiving
You know I don't want you back no more

Everything is meant to be
And all exists impermanently
Nothing will remain the same
The only constant thing is change, it's change

No i don't need you
And i don't need to cry myself to sleep
You know the tears they tend to cheapen
The pain that helps me grow
Into the hole inside my soul
The part of me you stole
When i have you my loving
And all I want to know
Is why you needed that love from someone else

Baby why were you in this room
In our wedding bed with a different groom
Oh Oh
You're my spanish rose
My ring on your finger
On the hand that made linger
Another man before he went boom

Not Everyone In America

As a black man's proud to be black
And gay man's proud to be gay
I'm proud to be American
In the most humble way

Because Americans are known throughout the world
To be idiots, bigots, and generally insane
Hopefully by the time my song is through
You won't feel the same
Not everyone's stupid in America

Throughout our history we've done dumb things
Like murder John Lennon and Martin Luther King
We went to war for WMDs
That ended up not being real
Not everyone's blind in America

We bought and sold blacks into slavery
We withheld women's rights until 1920
We still won't let gay people get married
But we can protest their funerals
Not everyone's ignorant in America

Americans are known throughout the world
To be idiots, bigots, and generally insane
Hopefully by the time my song is through
You won't feel the same
Not everyone's ignorant in America

The richest in our land could use their money
To make absolutely no one go hungry
They steal from poor children the bread that they need
To feast at their 5 course meals
Not everyone's greedy in America

American business, a self-fueled machine
It feeds on it's greed and American dreams
And it won't stop till it has everything
Scored in a backroom deal
Note everyone's selfish in America

Americans are known throughout the world
To be idiots, bigots, and generally insane
Hopefully by the time my song is through
You won't feel the same
Not everyone's selfish in America

We are known for our military
Exploits of free nations without democracy
We took it upon ourselves to help their country
Take back the freedom we steal
Not everyone's arrogant in America

They funny thing about America, it's supposed to be
By the people for the people, so it seems to me
We need to change everything systematically
Take back our right to happiness, life and liberty
For everyone who's born is created equally
And this is how you must feel
But not everyone agrees in America

Americans are known throughout the world
To be idiots, bigots, and generally insane
And now that my song is through
I think we feel the same
But not everyone agrees in America

A Daughter Named Love

I taught our young Love to play tag
You snuck a dagger in her hand
I told Love it was her turn
and i didn't run

You laughed as i bled on the floor
Our Love crying, you ran for the door
But before you left for good
You took my gun

You said with the gun pointed to her head
You'd feel better if Love was dead
But I cried I cannot live without Love
So please let me die here instead

You and I met on a summer's day
Cares and clouds free, cleared away
We met and we made Love
Just for fun

We watched our Love grow up fast
Easy days to quickly passed
But before Love was one
You were done

For reasons that I didn't understand
You cocked the gun held steady in your hand
And I jumped but i couldn't block the shot
And Love sat still for she never learned to stand

All alone on rainy day
Lowering a little box into a shallow grave
Desperate for comfort
There was none

And just as I wanted you no more
I heard a knock coming from my door
You were standing my porch
In the sun

You asked for me back all teary-eyed
And said that now you're never satisfied
For the Love we made was the greatest there ever was
And it's my fault I let you let it die

I said you were right and I felt ashamed
You wanted another baby with a different name
We decided on Forgiveness
For our son

But soon there after the new child we had
He stabbed me in the back playing a game of tag
And then you left again
Saying sorry hun

But you couldn't do this to yourself
And though I loved and forgave you like no one else
It wasn't fair to me therefore it wasn't fair to you
And so you took the gun off of the shelf

(harmonica solo)

For every caring word you never meant
For every justification you invent
For the death of Love and Forgiveness
I hope there is still one bullet left

The Bad Guy

There's a stillness
It keeps us awake
There's an open space
We cannot take
There's a silence
Rotting in the brain
There are faces
On the wall the hang
Listen to them talking

There's a cup stain
Where you left your glass
There's your toothbrush
From when you were here last
There's a blue dress
Hung below the shelf
There's a full bed
I share it with myself
You no longer want it

When you play the bad guy
It sorta feels good
But if you live a good life
It's not because you should
You know I know you better

There are voices
Screaming in my ear
There of vampires
Biting on my fears
There are vultures
Picking at my soul
And where they fly to
No one really knows
I'm a hole collapsing

When you play the bad guy
It sorta feels good
But if you live a good life
It's not because you should
You know I know you better

Where do we go when soul escapes the body
But the mind in protest lingers on?
For I am here and somewhere else completely
I wave goodbye knowing that I'm already gone.

Follow The Leader

Ignore the guilt
But don't leave it behind
Silently feasting
From within your mind
It surely depletes you
Of thoughts good & kind
And the only thoughts left there to find
Are wicked attempts
To play dumb & blind
And hoping there's somebody on your side

Your Body is stunning
But it's a disguise
For under your veil
There's nothing to hide
Like a native American stove
You're hollow inside
You're a long dead jeffery pine
But still your dead branches
Reach for the sky
As if to say 'Someone be on my side!"

Ignorance is bliss
And so it's applied
By people in power
Whom we stand beside
To get their position
They stole, sold, and lied
Their integrity hung and dried
With the power to do good
Evil's their guide
And they're hoping we're still on their side.

We the people
Are along for the ride
Like twigs in a river
We float with the tide
But this river's not water
It's the blood of mankind
And it flows both deep & wide
The river is pumped
By the indifferent mind
And we're hoping there's somebody on our side

Follow the leaders
But we cannot abide
They orphaned our children
They widowed our brides
Too many still suffer
Too many have died
These criminals must be tried
And patriotism
Must swallow its pride
And hope that still someone is on their side

Dear Bryn

I've been in love
And i've been broken hearted too
Boy have i seen just what
Bad love can do to you
And for forever
I've been too afraid to
Lay my guard down
Just lay my guard down

I've played this part
I've read the same script too many times
I know all the stage ques
And i memorized all the lines
And I think i could write a better story
And make a happy ending
Write a happy ending.

But then i stop
And i hesitate
I cut the scene
and I wait
For the right girl
With the right song
To be play opposite of me
And i sit patiently

I stayed there so long
I auditioned so many girls who
Learned all the lines
But they didn't have a clue
Just How to make the character their own
So i never cast the part, no.
I never cast the part, oh.

And just at that moment
I was about to give up, you
You danced into my life
And you sang for me the blues
And i asked if you were an actress too
And you said "i wrote a play for you"
I said "i wrote the same play too"

Then i stop
Yeah, I hesitate.
My heart stops
And i think "is this fate?"
Are you the right girl
To play opposite of me?
I smile and wonder happily.

So i pick up the script
And I read the first line it says
"Dear Bryn
Would you be my girlfriend?"

On 11/11 @ 11:11

On 11/11 at 11:11
Your lips are my delight
It's 4 months to the min now
Since i sang your song that night
On an open feild under mountain sky
With stars sunken deep in your eyes
I read that script that says "dear bryn
would you be my girlfriend?"

On 11/11 at 11:11
We ran away to kiss
A pollen party well underway
We snuck away for bliss
The zebra coat i was wearing then
Made you feel on fire again
To feed the flame I kindled with a kiss
You burnt me to a crisp
I still feel you on my lips

And now 11:11
was two months ago
The pain since past
I learned to let it go
Please forgive me
For being such an ass
Cause it's 6 months baby
And i want grow

on 1/11 @11:11
Is when you're first hear this song
And when it ends I'll confess to you
The ways I did you wrong
Hopefully this song will show
My eagerness to learn and grow
To take this journey day by day
Breathe truth in all i say
To love you like this always
And not get carried away

There Is A Garden

There is a garden
Nobody knows
From there he sees her
Take off her bathrobe
There in her bedroom
She thinks she's alone
But her and her jungle
Are inside her window
And it's cold outside
On the 4th of July
And when eyes meet eyes
It's love @ first sight
And there are fireworks

He is a cute boy
On the way to gay pride
She is a waitress
Scouting for her bride
He says he's thirsty
Before the parade
He stops @ her restraunt
Orders a lemonade
And she thinks he's cute
And he likes her too
So is fate
The found their soulmate
At the gay parade

She is a red nosed
Smiley faced clown
But under her makeup
She wears a sad frown
She's at a party
It's halloween
He's dressed as a bong pipe
Says "wanna hit me?:
And that makes her smile
So they talk for a while
They both hate their job
School and their mom
But they like each other
Then a slow song comes on
The clown dances with the bong
He moves in close
But steps on her toes
In her big red shoes.

I am of love

I am of love
As the ocean is of water
As the sky is of air
As everything is God

I am of love
As though there's nothing else to me
For the soul that's within me
Is all that I am

I am of love
And therefore I'm with you
In all of your journeys
For I ever love you

I am of love
And God as my witness
I give you my love
I give you my all

I am of love
As a prayer is of feelings
As a soul is of giving
As a breath is of peace

I am of love
As we who are in it
Because God's always with us
For we kiss in God's name

I am of love
For that's all there is in me
Whole and completely
Devoted and true

I am of love
The love I have for you
Is God in this being
And I share it with you

I am of Love
And I love you darling
Forever and always
My love is for you

This could be

This could be a love song
This could be a sad song too
This could make you dance
Or inspire some romance
All in all, it's just another song

I could be te one
I could be just someone else
I could be your friend
Or I could just pretend to
All in all, I'm just a human being

You could be a singer
You could be a waitress too
You be the host
Of a show that hunts down ghosts
All in all, it's just your stupid job

This could be ridiculous
This could also be genius too
This could raise the dead
Or go right over your head
All in all, its just a silly thought

Everything makes perfect sense
If you don't think about it

Bedtime Stories

Below the window a boy bounces eagerly
Dreaming of the world on the other side
He stands tall at 3' the window's at 4
He wishpers "i think i can fly"
Only to jump just 11" high

Midnight she brings her friends madness and beauty
In stories he reads most every night
Stories of princesses, wizards and elephants
Who live in clouds above the sky
Under a blanket forta read by flashlight

Maurice his father and Francis his mother
Are furiously getting their point across
The first time in 6 months his mother speaks to him
By screaming "Dreaming has it's cost!
The life you spend dreaming you've lost."

Broken in spirit he slunks to the window
It's raining. THe windows match his eyes.
His somberness transforms to frustation, now he's
Determined to see just what's outside
He coughs up a quiet goodbye

Between the raindrops he sees giant towers
Buidings lightingup the night
Streets stretched forever but no magic pastuers
No faries, no elephants in the sky
And as he's falling
He's still wishing
That could fly.