help out with my attempt at a poem!

Peer Edit Please:

Your violence is not so obvious.
We are not sentenced to death; we are not murdered.
You /torture/ us.

You imprison us within our communities, restricting us to live with our means
Earnings that You have determined & devalued, mutating average into impoverished.

You have slyly enslaved us.

You have picked, no, pillaged the pockets of every pair of pants
And like a Cardinal who raids the collection plates you don't even pretend to donate.

You fell over your own feet,
asked Us for a hand,
And as We extended, cautious, but with best intention
You cannibalized our arms and our legs

Now we beg on streets in wheelchairs to fellow citizens You still mutilate
And while You gorge Yourself with the fruits of our labors
We, the Farmers, starve.

Now yes, it's true, we share the blame
For we sponsored Your services to create cheap comfort
But that 'comfort' is fleeting & like a drug it lasts less and less
And now we are a junkie society, obsessed with affording our next fix
Unwilling to clean-up, terrified of rehab.

Unfortunately, for You, not all of Us are addicts
And sober eyes see Your high isn't worth shit

As we present our case to the servants of justice
We smell your money on their breath.

So the saying goes: "If you want something done right, do it yourself."
Today, I'm proud to say, we are.

Fearful Leaders, be warned:
We The People of the United States of America
In order to form a more perfect union
Will not tolerate the tyranny & oppression of the greedy
For this is OUR country, not just Yours.

Politics may not be poetic, but Justice is.

These things

there are things that need saying, but our words won't allow;
there's a hurricane a coming and we can't save this town;
there's a reason it's happening, but we won't know it now;
these things take time. patience. focus.

we are coming up short on the big things in life
i know brothers without love but they trophy their wife
i know sisters in pain and ashamed of their strife
these things take care. love. attention.

yo i'm diggin the flow -- don't drought me now
there's so much to do, but we don't know how
surrendor to the moment, and be here now.
be here now. be here now.

we got government shareholders, privatized democracy
your vote is as valuable as a ticket in the lottery
the game is red vs. blue, it is anti-diveristy
these things need change. direction. interest.

everyday-americans are determined to poverty
greedy brothers sell our needs to indulge selfish luxury
we fund this injustice by continuing this eceonomy
these things need transperancy. adjustment. broadcast.

i got problems, we all got problems
but some of our problems are the same
none of us have money which somehow equilivates to shame
so some buy expensive things to conceal their poverty
and some see this as competition and use the price-tag to beat
all any of this is doing is preventing what we need
to recognize we're hurting so we can all collectively greive
and when the greiving's done some of us will turn angry
and that's when you wall st. fuckers better be running
and in time, with some patience, with strong focus & lots of love
we can bring justice, balance the below with the above
and if YOUR path takes you to heaven before this time comes
it's our duty to your memory that we keep on keepin' on

Torture (You Keep Me Alive)

This is your father / so said the machine
It's about your mother / She's been cheating on me
I already told your brother / Marley knows too
And I guess your mother thought that it wasn't important to call and tell you

So I want you to know that this message is proof
Of how I do care how you're doing and I love you

Love, as I see, is an obvious mystery
That I nor anyone else can solve
And You are to me a most glorious misery
That sickens me and keeps me alive
You keep me alive

I hear my 2 Am alarm / My cell phone says you are messaging
It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust / and for a min I couldn't tell what you were saying
Your message is clear / though it's really poor writing
You're just leaving the bar and you've had too few to drink / and you can't drive home so you're hitchin' there with mikey

You sent me a second one saying something like "Don't worry hun
I could never cheat on you babe, I love you"

Love, as I see, is an obvious mystery
That I nor anyone else can solve
And You are to me a most glorious misery
This suicide that lets me survive
You keep me alive

You break and eat the body of Jesus / and you drink from the cup of Christ
And with those same lips you kiss an 8 year old child / and whisper "this could be our little secret"
At the same time you proudly condemn / anyone participating in what you think is sin
And you biggest fear for your kids? It ain't illness or death, no. / They just better not be queer.

What hurts the most is I know you are wrong in most every way
But that's something I can't say because I love you

So this Love is, to me, a most curious necessity
It heals only those whom it hurts
And you write for me a most beautiful tragedy
Shakespeare couldn't make it hurt worse
For Love only needs commitment and a lobotomy
Your mind weighs you down and your heart wants to fly
You've carefully crafted a most wondrous catastrophe
I'm a vegetable and I want to die
But you keep me alive

Smore On Fire

I have this feeling
It's overwhelming
I think that it's hunger
I'm hungry
I'm at a camp fire
...Must be at camp
I think I smell something
Burning

Yeah
Your smore is on fire

Here in the darkness
I have all i need
To make something scrumptious
So Scrumptious
I got a gram cracker
A golden marshmallow
And Hershey's chocolate
But only two bars
That's all Anne will let me have

Yeah
Your smore is on fire
Yeah
Give me a gram cracker

Put them together
Make me a sandwich
A sandwich for dinner
And dessert
Oh my goodness
This tastes so good
It tastes just like heaven
I just ate heaven
I"M SORRY JESUS!

Yeah
Your smore is on fire
Yeah
Give me a gram cracker

Why is this delicious
How could this be real
I think that I'm crying
I'm crying
I love to eat smores
I love them so much
I'll make them my girlfriend
Then marry them
AND THEN I"LL EAT THEM!!!!

Yeah
Your smore is on fire
Yeah
Give me a gram cracker

Make My Day

I waded till I washed upon the shore
I walked until I woke up at your door
I was welcomed in by a stranger who said you were at the store
So I waited but you're never coming home

I watched your willow trees weep in the wind
Waving with the water pouring in
In the window I wandered wearing an ironic grin
Crying alone and you're never coming home

(chorus)

Looking for the love I left behind
Lacking luck and lonely all the time
I learned that life's lessons were located in the land where I lost my mind (?)
I'm to scarred to go on and you're never coming home

Reluctantly I lingered in your room
Losing hope and leaning into doom
Too long I let our love let go sewn with your broken loom
You left too soon and you're never coming home

(chorus)

(bridge)

Slinking down the stairs like a slippery slope
I sucked down the only sliver left of hope
I splurged on skunk sativa and nearly overdosed on dope
Super stoned and you're never coming home

And somberly I sobered from my smoke
And saw your house now sheltered stranger folk
The rest of my life's a punchline and our love was a joke
You moved on and you're never coming home

Home Ain't Nothing When You're Not Around

Home Ain’t Nothing When You’re Not Around
Music and Lyrics by Alex Dolan Balin
June 23rd 2010

Now I was driving through the desert on my way to California
The setting sun in my eyes & my back to Arizona
I screamed "Gee Lordy Be! Ain't it great to be free?!
Blazing through the country, Burning up gasoline
Blowing speakers with this Cd,
Ain't nothing going to slow me down

(Silent Chorus)

I've lived too long alone cooped up there in Sedona
Wasting years drinking beers chugging down cheap Carona
Cause their billboards are beaches with oceans serene
But the real Pacific's something I've never seen
So I threw my guitar in to my chevy
And sped out of my old hometown

I blew through the border flipping the bird with my finger
I watched the Arizona flag disappear in my mirror
It dawned on me my fantasy was somehow now real
I swelled with emotions actors pretend to feel
When their wounds miraculously heal
When they walk upon sacred ground

Cause Home Ain't Nothing When You're Not Around
It Ain’t Your House It Aint You’re Town
Home Is Just Where You And I Share The Ground

My tank was running low so I pulled into Barstow
Found the cheapest pump in town and it still cost me a pant-load!
While I waited I walked into the convenience store
The Man behind the counter smiled and asked what I was looking for
I said "The sweet ocean shore
A bottle of Cherry Coke and a couple Mounds"

He said he lived in Venice Beach during the summer of 69
He slept on top of rooftops of the friends he had at the time
He told me to visit the strip & stay there for a while
And my face will be fixed with a permanent smile
He didn't ring up my pile
He told me to take the food and hurry out

Cause Home Ain't Nothing When You're Not Around
It Ain’t Your House It Aint You’re Town
Home Is Just Where You And I Share The Ground

So I followed the sings that pointed to Santa Monica
I parked at the pier and saw for the first time the ocean
I ran to the water through sand and ocean breeze
Saw the moon and her reflection and fell down on my knees
I cried "Mercy, Mercy Me!
I'm not worthy of what I see now"

I slept in the sand and woke up to the sunrise
I ran to Venice Beach and saw the strip with my own eyes
There were gypsies and drunk punks eating fruit, drinking tea
Selling jewelery and artwork smoking weed legally
Then I saw a beautiful lady looking directly at me
One eye was green, one eye was brown

Cause Home Ain't Nothing When You're Not Around
It Ain’t Your House It Aint You’re Town
Home Is Just Where You And I Share The Ground

She told me I looked like I needed a place to stay
I said "How could you tell" she said "Physic's my middle name"
Be both laughed and smiled, she moved her hair outta her face
I asked for the closest hotel, she said "Just stay at my place"
She spoke with such grace
No part of me could have turned her down

She lived at the corner of 19th and Speedway
A quick walk away from the Muscle Beach Cafe
We walked up the starts and she opened the door
I took one step inside and she tackled me to the floor
She kissed me on the lips
And we didn't stop kissing until dawn

Cause Home Ain't Nothing When You're Not Around
It Ain’t Your House It Aint You’re Town
Home Is Just Where You And I Share The Ground

We slept through the morning and woke up at four o'clock
We got dressed and we picked up take out from the boardwalk
When we got back to her place she raced into her room
She brought out a ring, her late father's only heirloom
She asked me to be her groom
Wearing her mother's wedding gown

For 3 years consecutively we didn't leave each other's side
She's my best friend, my confidant, my teacher and my bride
But the drugs and the booze hit her harder than me
And she overdosed at our anniversary party
We vowed for eternity
But her body is cold in the ground

Cause Home Ain't Nothing When You're Not Around
It Ain’t Your House It Aint You’re Town
Home Is Just Where You And I Share The Ground

I left Venice Beach and went back to Sedona
As I came to Arizona I blew a kiss to California
When I walked in my old room I broke down and wept
Everything in there was perfectly kept
It was as though I never left
And so returned my old forgotten frown

Now It's been three years since I lost my love to the day
It's been three years since I've been to Californi-aye
IT's been three years since a smile's graced my face
It's been three years of rotting in this god forsaken place
But my heart starts to race
At the though of getting out of town

Cause Home Ain't Nothing When You're Not Around
It Ain’t Your House It Aint You’re Town
Home Is Just Where You And I Share The Ground

Now I'm speeding heading west when I come upon Barstow
I look at the dashboard and notice the gauge is low
I find the same gas station I went to before
I see the same cashier when I when I enter the same store
I walk through the door
He smiles and says "What brings you around?"

I told him all I've told you and he says "Boy I got to say,
Make sure when you get there the first thing you do is visit her grave"
So here I am standing in the cemetery
When I read her name a wave of love comes crashing on me
I cry till I'm dry, her grave floods like the Nile
But that love is still gushing and it makes me smile
And I see that our loves lives on eternally
And our dream of forever lives on in me
And it dawns on me our fantasy is somehow still real
And i swell with emotions televangelists pretend to feel
When they sing Amazing Grace
"I was once lost, but now I'm found."

Cause Home Ain't Nothing When You're Not Around
It Ain’t Your House It Aint You’re Town
Home Is Just Where You And I Share The Ground

The Daughter of the Devil is now the Bride of Jesus Chirst

I hug you daughter one last time
I wipe your tear, you fix my tie
I'm the devil, you're the bride
And we are walking side by side
On down the aisle
To your groom Jesus Christ

His father and I
Have agreed to set aside
Our battle for control over all of human kind
We're here to support the Succubus and Jesus Christ

Once you are Christ's bride
There's a treaty to be signed
And all of man's woes will end upon a dotted line
I give over my empire and pride
To my son-in-law Jesus Christ

But I can barely hide
All my excitement inside
Once you're married to the son of god he's in for a surprise
You and I are going to kill Jesus Christ

As i'm sitting on your side
John the Baptist reads the rights
Mother Mary starts to cry
Mary Magdalen rolls her eyes
She's dying to kill her ex Jesus Christ

Now announced as man and wife
For the first time Mr. and Mrs. Jesus Christ
The bells they ring, the choir sings
We toss the rice
The daughter of the devil is now the bride of Jesus Christ

At the reception we don't eat swine
Instead of champagne we drink wine
It once was water, but Jesus changed it
In to Sarah with his mind
He's fucking cheap, that dirty Jew Jesus Christ

When the party ends you will ride
To your honeymoon suite and when you arrive
Tease him, make him cry
Seduce him with your naked thighs
Then choke him till he dies and leave the body of Jesus Christ

And at the funeral I
Will stand next to God and pretend to cry
And when God leans on my shoulders
I"ll stab in the back with my knife
And God's body will fall into the grave of Jesus Christ

But our plans, they went awry
As you tried to choke out Christ
He fought back and in the blink of an eye
Impaled you on a bed frame spike
And suspended there you died, murdered by Jesus Christ

Consumed by guilt he could not deny
Jesus decided to take his life
He closed his eyes, let out a sigh
And impaled himself on the same spike
Where you died under the body of Jesus Christ

And when God found out that night
His son killed himself and his wife
He got drunk on left-over wedding wine
And he set heaven alight
And as heaven burned down, he died
Just like his son Jesus Christ

Though I'm happy to rule all life
I feel incomplete inside
Without you here, my daughter, I
Will now commit suicide
Just like God and his Son Jesus Christ
And so ends the life
Of the Devil, God, and Jesus Christ